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May. 23rd, 2016

(no subject)

I've been at the same job for nearly two years and I'm still so absolutely depressed. I don't know how I've lived this long. I honestly feel like I still want to die. The only reason I haven't is because of my best friend. I really just don't know how to be happy. i feel so worthless it doesnt even matter anymore. i keep cutting because i just don't care at all. most days i just wish i wouldnt wake up in the morning.

Jan. 7th, 2016

(no subject)

For some reason drag queens really bother me. I know some of my close friends are drag queens and I've been to plenty of drag shows, so this is not ignorance. It's just that, they get all dressed up in these outrageous outfits and act all dramatic and they think that's what being a woman is. Well guess what honey, being a woman is much more than that. I feel like you can't be a woman until you have vagina. A man dressing up as a woman is still a man. Sorry not sorry but that's my opinion. I know it's confusing for some people but it's frustrating for me to see these people who think that that is all being a woman is. Drag is just theater. It's an art, not a lifestyle. I mean, come on. If you want to be a woman, get a vagina, have a period and then you might be able to talk. But as the saying goes, no ovaries, no opinions. Also, same goes with drag kings. Sorry if it seems like I'm offending anyone, not my intent at all, but I am allowed to my opinions and as I said, I just get really frustrated by it. It all just seems like petty nonsense.

Nov. 17th, 2015

(no subject)

Welp- once again I've been drinking. But I don't really care anymore. I mean, I can be sober some days. And other days not. It's really not an issue and I don't know why some people are freaking out about it. But basically they can suck it, because it's my life and I'll do what I want.

Nov. 16th, 2015

(no subject)

Days like today I wish I'd never been born. I know it's a stupid wish, but I feel like such a worthless disappointment and it doesn't look like things are getting any better. I'm honestly the biggest waste of time. I wish I had the courage to end my life because I don't even want to live it anymore. I'm just so tired. And I'm just so done. My parents probably hate me. I don't belong anywhere. I just should really go. Because I'm not doing anyone any favors here.

Nov. 15th, 2015

(no subject)

I hate everything in my life right now. I broke my phone, again. I just fixed it last week. So basically, I give up. I don't care anymore. I'm going to destroy myself because it just doesn't matter. So goodbye. Whatever, I don't care. And goodbye.

Nov. 10th, 2015

(no subject)

Even my parents agree that I'm more of a liability than an asset.

Mar. 25th, 2015

(no subject)

I just want to cut my heart out and get rid of it.

Sometimes they're with you.
Sometimes they're against you.
And sometimes they owe you.

Mar. 9th, 2015

(no subject)

All I feel lately is anger. I don't even want to be happy anymore because happiness is just so far-fetched. I've given up on myself and I feel like everyone else has too. My only purpose in life is to be a failure. There really just is no point anymore.

Jan. 31st, 2015

(no subject)

Everyone always leaves eventually.

Jan. 26th, 2015

(no subject)

Ok, so here's the deal.
I have been working every single day since last Monday. I have not had a day off. And they haven't been short days either. They are long, exhausting and extremely taxing.
So today I just came home from job number one. I have been working all weekend since we were on a business trip, and I decided to call in to my other job tomorrow because I knew that I needed a day off. Mind you, this job I have always been on time (or early), always showed up when they needed me to, pretty much always covered for other people and been there when they were short-staffed. Even if I didn't need the hours.
They have known since day ONE that I have another job more important to me. This job is literally just to help pay the bills. This job also sucks the life out of me and puts me into deeper depression every time I go in. I hate working there so much, the only thing that makes it somewhat likeable is SOME of the people.
So when I called in today, I said that I had an appointment tomorrow that I needed to get to. The bitch on the other end gave me shit about it. She was like "So you can't work your shift at all" and I was like well no there's no point in me driving out there to work half the day and I really just wanted to take tomorrow off because I have been working so much lately. And she basically was just really rude to me about it. Like I get that I sort of lied but first of all, she's lucky I called when I did because most people don't give them a lot of time to find people when they call out. I gave them like half a day to find someone. Second of all, I have only ever called out ONCE the last 7 months I have been working there. This is the same manager that gives me shit every time I have to work my other job. Like lady, until you start paying me 15$ an HOUR to scream at people, I am going to chose my other job EVERY SINGLE TIME. You are lucky I have been there for as long as I have and the only reason I haven't quit yet is because I need to get another job first. Like seriously,I have had it with these people. I absolutely HATE IT.

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